Voice From the Womb

Hiya! It’s your womb talking. Glad of your attention. Now I won’t be long. I am absolutely delighted you’re practising yoga, for certain it’s the wise choice. I just wanted you to know though, that some of the stuff you’re doing can make the old ovaries feel pretty weird at certain times a month. I get on with things the best I can, but to be honest…. Some of those things are not great for me.

So here we go: You know that thing you do, uddiyana bandha, when you breathe out and suck your belly right in and up? And your bumhole and vagina come right along with it? Well, when I’m trying to empty stuff out, that feels pretty, well strange – like I’m trying to clear the old lining through the cervix, and you’re busy counteracting the forces of gravity, and everything gets sucked back in and up again. Can you leave that one out? At least on the heavy days when I’m a bit bogged down here in the flow- it’s just going to take me longer to clear the one lining out, love, and it’s a long enough job as it is.

And the upside-down things? Same story. I just find I can’t on with the job of the flow. I’m doing my best here. But it really holds me up. If you know what I mean. I love the whole upside down thing the rest of the month, though – makes me feel ten years younger!

And the leaping around really fast? I can tell you really love it, and most of the time, so do I. But I could do with some of that energy in here on the big days, you know. I’ve got a monthly clear- out to sort. Just take the day off. I can sort things out better with a bit of peace.

And there’s a sort of pumping thing you do with your belly moving in and super-quick. Sometimes that feels fabulous, but it kind of lifts me up and at the end when you breath out- and if it’s a big red day, then I struggle. Give it a rest on my big red days, can’t you?

And if you want that IUCD to stay put, girl, then I think you need to tone it down a bit with those uddiyana bandhas. Heard about one the other day that got lodged way up high and it was a devil of a job to get it out again. Don’t fancy the sound of that myself.

That’s about it. Except to say, if you’re ever thinking of inviting guests, maybe a baby or two, then I’d be glad if you could just give me some time to get settled down here. I’ll need lots of energy to prepare before they arrive. You don’t want me all worn out and the place in a mess before they get here now do you? And while they are here I’d be glad if you leave off the pumping and sucking malarkey for a bit- it’s going to keep everyone happy here. You can always go back to it later, once they are safely out.

Other than that you are doing a fine job. Keep up the good work!

Author: Uma Dinsmore -Tuli phd